Loving the Rapist's Child - Part 3

Surprised by beauty
Steve and I became desperate, and sometimes it's that human desperation that drives us to God. We know Him; we love Him; we say we trust Him. But sometimes we don't cleave to Him as the lover of our souls until we find ourselves completely helpless. As for the fairness of being victimized, we have to realize that ever since sin began there have been victims. Cain slew Abel (Gen. 4:1-8). Amnon raped Tamar (2 Sam. 13:1-22). But what should the victims and their families do with their pain? Do they resort to their own devices, or do they give it to God and His will? Steve and I initially resorted to our own devices by trying to prevent a life that we thought would be inconvenient, given the circumstances. We could never love the attacker's child, we reasoned. So we put our own hand to the situation. But God loved us enough to thwart our plans. Gradually, as the child in my body grew, both Steve and I began to change. It was a spiritual work, and we knew it. We grew attached to the little life inside me and delighted in its movements, just as we had marveled at the evidence of life when I carried Chad and Simon. This child was alive! It was a miracle that the child had escaped death. It became clear that the baby was God's child first, and it was as innocent as those conceived any other way. We grew astonished and ashamed that we could have ever imagined not keeping the baby. We continually repented of our lack of trust in God; of putting our hand to the situation when it should have been left to God all along, and when we discovered the child was a girl, it became even more special. I particularly had wanted a daughter. The adoption was off. When Rachael was born, a light went on in our family. We learned the true meaning of the Father's love. He looks upon us with more than acceptance-He embraces us wholeheartedly, because He has called us His children. "For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, 'Abba, Father'" (Rom. 8:15, NKJV). And in that spirit, Steve embraced Rachael as his own, and we have since adopted a wonderful older son, Deshawn. Today, we celebrate nine wonderful years with Rachael, our only daughter. It seems like a bad dream now that we ever considered living without this amazing little girl. She is a constant reminder to us, not of rape but of the startling beauty one can find hidden in tragedy.

Heather Gemmen is the author of Startling Beauty: My Journey from Rape to Restoration (Life Journey, 2004) and the God Allows U-Turns children's series with Alison Gappa Bottke. She lives in Colorado Springs.

This article can be found in Today's Christian April/May 2005 www.todays-christian.com